Exam is going to be starting tomorrow.
but i am still sitting on my chair, holding notes and eyes on my laptop.

Is it my laziness which don't allow me to study or my emotion prevent me from studying?

I dunno how to express it.

I need somebody to come and save.

I d ask help from Jmie but, she din reply me~

haha~~

Nothing happen to me, but i seem like so emo now~

Something that cannot being explain~

Because you? you or you?

No way~!

I live for myself.

Not for you all.

Wake up miss SharoN~

No more night or day dreaming~

its been too much imagination for yourself.

Gonna pull urself out before it gets deeper and deeper.

You should understand yourself.

Grandpa, i miss you.

Shall i meet you at home when i get back?

Can you do this for me?

Its been months~

But, i still like unacceptable of it.

Time, time, time, its all bluffing me~

I need you always my grandpa~

Got the news from my sis yesterday~

Mom and dad went to KL for your funeral~

It might be the last time i saw you in my grandpa's funeral~

But, don't worry, my grandpa is there, at the heaven waiting for you.

You wont be any lonely there.

You are such a good uncle to me~

We will always remember you~

RIP uncle Weng.....

Its ah kang's birthday last Thursday.
As we will all having exam on coming Monday, we decided to celebrate it on Wednesday.
We will be all fighting for our final exam before we are going home~
Then, we went to Upperstar to have our western dinner.
I ordered the lamb chop, its absolutely definitely delicious babe~!
I love it so much, and also not to forgot the baked mushroom soup~
Yummy~~
We went there in 3 cars, total of 13 persons? i think its correct~
Its been so long we had not been having a gathering like this.
Happy to see that every1 were there, and we could chat for the whole day.
Then, they decided to come our house to continue their activities.
Who ever don't know what's the activities to be on at our house.
Bought some tiger beer and they started to play will poker card.
I still have my presentation on the next day so i decide to go on my bed at 3.
They continued.
That's is what usually happen last few weeks.
Then, this is the first time i should say for eileen and jean to play overnight.
Also the first time for them to play 4-person mahjong~
I don't really know how they do that~
Though its still a happy day for all of them~~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY O AH KANG~

I am done with my day~
Happy cause today it changed to be you sms me first.
Hohoho....
nothing make me special except ur sms~
I miss you alot~

I smell something different~

Or maybe i should not sms him?

He never acted like this to me.

He treated me differently right now.

Is it because he knew about it already?

Or its his jealousy?

I want to know the answer please.

Its so suffering~

Maybe you will never know what i am thinking.

Maybe you will never know how i feel.

Maybe you will not going to understand my feeling.

But 

i wish one day, maybe some day i can express it out to you.

And maybe you will accept it.

Just give me sometime to think over it.

I don't wish to lose this friendship with you.

I really dont know what going on on myself.

is it i did something wrong today?

I not sure.

Seems like i doing the wrong thing everyday.

Early in the morning, he play with my phone, he said he wanted to read my sms.

So, i did not say anything and i allowed him to read them.

So he knew my everything.

I did not know this is god or bad for me.

I just wish he knew everything and tell me what he actually think of me.

But, after that he started to sms with 3 girls and like flirting with them.

I was like "what the hell" and I am getting jealous.

He like angry me and i did not know why.

I hope i can know what he thinking.

And yet, i felt so guilty to him.
I was like the one who caused him to lost money alot. I mean alot.

Or maybe sometime i think too much?

Yea, today i knew something new about you.

It was like the reason which make you not to be in a relationship?

I was like ouch, how can a guy tahan that?

I felt sorry but it makes me getting more ^*($ to you.

I dunno what happening to me.

Can somebody help me PLS?

totally dunno what i thinking......

Recently i get mad easily. I get angry easily. I get boom easily.

Don't ask me the reason. Don't ask me why.

Me myself, don't have the answer for it as well.

Sorry to my babe, he got to take it all from me.

I keep complaining, keep scolding him and he seem like dunno anything.

He keep saying sorry.

Yea, i noe its me the one who is moody and emo-ing.

I should not get mad on you.

But,

who ask you to get a htc and i get jealous because of it.

Ishh...

who ask you to busy with your htc and dump me aside.

Ishh..

I really not meant to angry at you.

Maybe its because of the pressure being study?

I not sure for that.

But glad to know that you tolerate with me.

Glad to know that you actually keepin my pict in your htc.

I know you wont forget me at all.

That's all my fault.

I love you my hubby~

Still a long way to go,

You n me~ got to wait for 3 weeks more.

You have got what you want and what yo wish for

BUT

do I?

Thanks a lot to Jmie and Shu Wei.
Accompany me all along the way i was moody and totally out of my mind yesterday.
Without u both, i really don noe what should i do~

Jmie, you are always my best buddy.
As you say, 1996-2010.
Our friendships last long and it will never end~
Tik Tok when the time reaches 12am, i told u i m hungry but no mood to eat.
And u give me this.

They do really warm my heart~
I always know, whenever i am whatever i have,
you will share with me and will be with me.
I love you always ah MIE~

Shu Wei, thanks alot to you.
Actually i know you having the same problem like me.
But you are a good guy.
U accompnay me all along the time.
You told me urs and i tell u mind.
Sometime, i need your help.
and terbalik.
you need my help sometimes.
Thanks fren.

Did i did something wrong?

Why am i treated like this?

I am not suppose to be suffering from all the kinds of SHIT~

I wan everything i wished for~

I want all them back to my life~

A chance might given to me~

A chance might be given out by me~

USA exchange student program

I was once so excited when i heard about it.

Should i apply for it?

Should i forget about it?

I not sure.

Suppose, i thought its easy for me to make my decision~

Just like going and gain experience, traveling or study abroad.

But, once i decided to apply.

Many problems pop out from my mind.

I not yet ask permission from my parents.

I told Sayang and he ask me think carefully first.

I had to extend 1 year.

I had to leave my housemates, coursemates, family for 3 months.

And extend 1 year, again.

How my ptptn?

How i gonna leave my Sayang?

I am totally happy with my life now.

But, its a good chance for me.

Give up?

Or Grab it?

I not sure and i know nobody can give me the answer.

So i just decided.
Maybe i should try to get the form, read the terms and conditions.

Then only i got my decision~

That's what i should be doing~

Hmmm, i also "bu she de" to leave my Sayang~

I feel so lonely here without him.

Yet, i gonna fly so far away from him.

Lagi susah~

No way~

I need him badly.

And i know he does need me too~~

Finally i understanding myself.

Sitting in the living room.

Looking at the rainy sky.

I finally get what actually i thinking.

Yes, maybe i had the feeling to you,

but you seems likely to be only my brother.

That's all.

I am totally not the apple of your eyes

AND

You too, not the cup of coffee of mine.

 Brother~~~Always~~

I and my him quarrel again last 2 days.

He said i hide something from him.

I dare not to tell him what actually i hiding.

I din hide anything from him. 

I told you everything i have with me.

But, only this, i know i should not tell you.

Even it had become a past to my life.

I don't wish to make you sad and don't wish this could be a scar for both of us.

I want to be happily with you.

I don't wish you will think about it everyday over and over again.

I know you will.......

Just keep it inside my heart~

Don't worry~

Promise you, i will never hurt you anymore.

I will study hard all the time.

Tik Tok Tik Tok Tik Tok.

Sky is still raining.

Feel so cold.

And it makes me to think about you.

Hug you and together~

we looking at the redish sky.

GOSH

I don't like that feeling at all

Concentrate!

Sometimes, when already in a relationship, if there is quarrel,

the person who is gonna be sad is me, he never understand what is my feeling until i told him.

Luckily he knew its his fault to make i sad.

It makes me love you more darling~

You never made me felt your understanding, ur loving, ur sweet sweet heart until yesterday..

When you say sorry, it warmed my heart.

Maybe what u had given me is not such good like other people.

But i still can feel your love for me.

I am not greedy,i just wish to have a person like you to care me, love me and always be there for me.

But darling, i felt guilty to you.

I did something wrong to you and not dare to tell you at all.

long distance relationship.....

we having it.....

Sometimes i feel lonely and i knew this is what you feel too....

That's why i can't control myself to think to have a person that can be beside me.

I knew i had feeling towards a person.

He is close to me and he make i to be liking him cause he can be beside me.

But i know i should not be like this.

This is unfair to you at all.

Remember u ask me before that is i like him now?

I love you, but i not sure is that i like him or maybe i js want somebody can be with me.

I told my fren and they say i should not treat you like this,

they said u love me with ur true heart.

and told me to forgot him as i m not the type of gal he like.

Yea, finally i got it correct.

The one i want is you, not him.

He is just a friend of mine.

You will always be the only 1 for me.

I have been waited for so long to be with u together.

I should not let off again.

I don't want to be regret again.

Darling~~32 days to go

I gonna meet you soon~

I love you darling

Finally, i am ready to write a new post.
Nothing special happen for me this few weeks? few months?
Except, my life now~~
Everybody, every student sleep early and goes to class in the morning.
Me~Class in the morning, but i did not attend it after i back from raya holidays.
I now used to sleep early 5 in the morning and do nothing.
I sit and online, walk around the living room and see them gambling or maybe sometime playing mahjong.
I became their ah sei for Thursday, ah lok for Saturday and ah cat for Sunday.
Haha~
Nothing bad actually if i sleep enough, but soon, exam coming.
So, i decide to Terminate such life and return to the normal life.
I should not waste my time and forfeit my study.
I must work hard for it, my midterm is very terrible.
Guys, don't ask me to play or sleep 5 in the morning yo~
We have to control our life.